Back in February, I wrote "Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them."
Today, in an effort to get "organized" I stumbled across an unfinished draft of Part 3.
Well, actually, it's perfect timing.
Cause the holidays are coming up and who doesn't want to turn up the super-sexy seductive heat?!
So, as a reminder (or introduction) "Swoon" is a book that studies the famous and not-so-famous seducers of past and present.
It uncovers their "superpowers."
Betsy Prioleau (the author) lists some "talents" that the great seducers have:
Playing an instrument (guitar, piano, you name it), background music selections to seduce (I'm a sucker for this), dancing, "eye sex" and gifts (presents! yesss!)
Oh and notice how Christian Grey in 50 Shades Of Grey has all these attributes -- guess that guy really is the epitome of female fantasy.
Next, there's a chapter called "Wine of Praise." (And I don't just dig it because "wine" is in the title.)
But great seducers know that...
"Women are fools for flattery."
I'd add that this is especially the case in a town where girls don't seem toget many compliments (well not unless they are a movie star…and then it's too much!!) and where "negging" has become the staple on the seduction scene.
And you know what I'm talking about LA-ers!!
The author says the reason women respond to flattery is neurological:
"Women are biologically primed to base self-esteem on intimate relations with others and have a built in 'negativity receptor.' Their mental worry station, the anterior cingulate cortex, is larger and more active than men's and craves validation."
So we have a BIOLOGICAL need for compliments!!
And I'm sure it's not so different for guys…who need theirs.Next: Intimacy.Intimacy?
"Casanova, long vilified as an emotionally avoidant rake, was one of the subtlest and most masterful engineers of intimacy."
This is also Bill Clinton's "superpower"- his ex-girlfriend says- "he makes you feel like you're the only one on this earth." (And that's why he's Slick Willy :))
Then there's (yes, I'm skimming through these)...
Wait? People should talk?
Betsy, baby, you might be asking too much of us Angelenos.
I mean, time is money, and conversation is time!!
How dare you intrude on our LA culture and make us speak compelling stuff….we're waaay too pretty for that!!
But the author insists:
"In poll after poll, women complain about men's inability to give good dialogue- to listen, engage and interest them. Silence is the number-one gripe."
In fact, the ladies man considers congo as his most important attribute of "sexual sorcery."
Bring. It. On.
And that leads us to another very important thing in Prioleau's book- voice!!
The Kama Sutra recognized that a woman "can be hypnotized by a man's voice."
I would like to add that voice can seriously up your game….or make it tumble down into an abyss.
I even had a friend on Facebook post something like- "please don't open your mouth David Beckham, it kills the sex."
(Okay, I'm know Becks isn't exactly scrambling for the attention of ladies but it's because he has other marvelous attributes making up for that single thing.)
So why are us females sensitive to voice?
"Women hear better than men and listen with their libidos."
Did not know that but makes sense.
Although, I'm sure a girl with a nasty voice is also a turn off for you guys (or maybe not).
But your voice isn't the best, you can definitely up your sex appeal by taking vocal lessons (I know some actors who used to do voice exercises in their car) and make it deeper and more brooding.
And to add the ying to that yang…
"There's almost no female desire like the desire to be heard."
I love this book!!!
"A woman blooms under a man's concentration."
And, again, this is a particular gem in a town where lots of people won't hear you or don't want to take you seriously cause…well who knows.
But girls like to be heard!!
I swear most women you go out with might stop over-talking if they get at least one good acknowledgement that you heard something they said.
Actually this is probably the most common complaint I hear from girls.
I can be a talker but I'm probably more shy on the first date….
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But when someone listens to you on a date in Hollywood, according to the female grapevine, it'sGOLD!!
Now onto my favorite….
...FUN & FESTIVITY!!
Just in time for the holidays.
And, know what- I had a little too much "fun & festivity" at one time.
Then hardly any, and now…
…well, it's super-important to any girl who spends most of her days on a laptop!!
Who knows, maybe women with high energy, hustling and bustling day jobs aren't as much in need of recreation at the end of their long day (actually, I'd like to know from you girls, if that's true or not.)
But girls like me….are!!
"Passion is fun-dependent; without play, gaiety, and carnival license, it fades to grey."
And though many girls say they like to stay in and watch TV and pet their cat…I've noticed they secretly don't.
They actually want to be dragged out of their mundane life into something fun and unique!!
A guy who takes them out and shows them a great time is always memorable.
Oh, and here's an added ego boost for men -- should you take her out on an extraordinary night on the town, she'll rave to all her girlfriends about what a great time she had and all of these females will now think you are some major super-stud!!!
Now onto an itty bitty more controversial thing but…not really…because it's so on the mark.
Yes, ladies men are combative.
(Ahahaha -- like me!!)
And thank God.
Because having been in some perfectly calm, compassionate relationships, it's led to total, complete…
And ladies men, according to Prioleau see conflict as "love's secret ingredient."
Ahhh, you crafty but clever fellas.
"Women, they found, often relish a good fight since it releases adrenaline and other stimulants and helps them emotionally connect with men before sex."
Okay, obviously it can't get OTT when it becomes too insulting and hurtful (like over-doing the negging thing I mentioned before). And just like you guys who don't like a nag, we don't like a guy who…well…just makes us feel like sh*t.
"As a rule, real ladies' men transcend strife with love and go light on pain, cycling back and forth between discord and concord."
But this "the playful war of the sexes" is still a must.
It keeps it fun and interesting.
And speaking of being interesting, last of all…
The great seducers were and are…
(Intriguing actually sounds sexier, so I think I'll use that.)
"Contrary to Darwinist dogma, women aren't content with mere material assets; they seek inner assets -- men who are multifaceted, convoluted, and on the stretch."
It's the men who "eternally enthrall" that seem to do best with the ladies.
This may take the form of many interests, as was Casanova's case -- he became a priest, lawyer, scientist, violinist, novelist and businessman.
(Again, I really did not know how amazing this man was until I read this book.)
Or many ladies men just had an "inner wealth of fascinations" that provided them with that "big magic" with the gals.
Again, in a town where it's a lot about one thing (the industry, the industry, the industry) isn't the other stuff like this even more precious?
Well, it can't hurt that's for sure.
And to be honest, looking through this list, it can't hurt for the girls to try and adopt this stuff too!!
(I already said one of mine is listening! Bahaha.)
I mean, there may be small differences in tactics between the seductive males and the seductive females but in all fairness women in LA, and the rest of the worrrrld, need to realize the attributes Prioleau lists are probably what would also make females more attractive to guys!!
Just add on to the major attribute that you make him feel like a man.
Then you're sorted.
Okay, I'm going to take a break and read "Vogue" before delving into more of my imaginative worlds.
How did this former extravert make herself an introvert for this long??
Who knows…but my "fun & festivity" in the next weeks will have to make up for it all!!
Brit Chick Ramblings in Hollywoodland