When I was single I always used to wonder about my married friends’ sex lives: how often do they do it? Is it good? Does it stay good? Does being married make sex better? I always wondered, but never asked – maybe because I didn’t want to pry, or maybe because I didn’t want to know if it the news was bad.
I worried. What if married sex WAS bad? What if it’s different? Or boring? What happens if it can’t be sustained, or the excitement wanes?
Is it normal for sex to change once you’re married? What IS normal anyway?
Well, now that I’ve been married for a few months, here’s what I can tell you: even though Robby and I are newlyweds, we’re in our 50s, so we’re really oldie-weds, which means we’re totally different people now than we would have been if we were in our 20s and just starting out. Don’t get me wrong, things are just as hot – I’m just getting it in flashes these days.
Yes my young horny friends, things do change when you get older.
Things like E.D., low-T, hormones, or the demands of kids, life, and work can kill one’s drive. Not that we married people in our 50s CAN’T fuck like rabbits (ha ha take that 20-year-olds!) but my guess is that most married people in their 50s are just as happy to get in a good nap as they are to get a good blow job.
Men over 50, if you’re reading this, feel free to weigh in – that is, as soon as you wake up from your afternoon snooze.
Here’s what sex feels like to this 51-year-old: it’s always passionate, but being married makes the passion more meaningful, special and connected. And as for pace, well, sometimes we’re the tortoise and sometimes we’re the hare. But who cares? We still get there.
A recent Huffington Post article followed up a Reddit thread that asked married people how many times they have sex. The results definitely surprised me. Some young newlyweds were only doing it once a month, while those married over 20+ years were still hitting it everyday. Apparently, everyone has their own rhythm.
In the meantime, I finally got up the nerve to ask some of my married girlfriends about their sex lives. I did little phone interviews, got the scoop, and promised to keep everyone anonymous. What follows are snippets of actual conversations.
Enquiring minds want to know: who’s f**king?
GIRLFRIEND #1, married 25 years, two teenage kids
Me: How often do you guys have sex?
GF: Hmm. I’d say once a month. Hold on a second…
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She yells to her husband in the room for confirmation.
GF: Hey honey, Treva wants to know how often we have sex!
Him: Tell her never!
Me: Any BJ’s in between, you know, to tide him over?
She breaks out into hysterical laughter.
GF: What! Hellooo? Why would I do that!? Are you insane? That’s why we’re married so I don’t have to blow him!
GIRLFRIEND #2, married 34 years, two kids in their 20s
Me: So how often would you say you two get down?
GF: Well, he’s on blood pressure medicine, plus, we’re both on anti-depressants, and I’m menopausal, so you do the math.
GIRLFRIEND #3, married 24 years, one college-aged kid
Me: On average, how often does the Mister throw you a bang?
GF: Twice a week, but if he could, he’d do it everyday, even if I was throwing up he’d want to do it.
* * * * * * *
Well, the people have spoken. Turns out there’s no such thing as “normal” when it comes to married sex. Sex is different for every couple, whether it’s more, less, better, different. Whatever. People are f**king and that’s the good news.
Treva Brandon Scharf
The Late Blooming Bride