After his recent heavyweight title slugfest in which he was knocked down 22 times by challenger Razor Fists in round one, former champion Bobby Radzinski said from his bed in the ER at St. Charles Hospital, “I’m still sharp as a tack up here,” he said, tapping his head for emphasis.
Radzinski, well known not only for his tendency to lead with his head in the ring, is also recognized as the President, Founder and CEO of The Brain Damage Is Good for You Institute with headquarters in Dover, New Jersey, above Jake’s Eats and Sally Bonventura’s House of Quilts.
The ex-champ claims in the Institute’s promotional literature that getting hit hard in the head at least once a week on a consistent basis is actually good for you and, in fact, promotes a vibrant and healthy memory function beneficial especially to senior citizens suffering growing difficulty in remembering things.
According to BDIGYI literature and his personal neurologist and Mexican bandleader Dr. Mario Mario: “From the first punch ever landed on his noggin, his memory got better and better. I personally kept detailed records of every head blow and they prove categorically that Bobby’s memory got sharper immediately after the first left uppercut to the jaw and right cross to the temple knocked him down in the Akron Armory back in 1982.”
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So what does this mean for the average Joe or Jane out there worried about aging and memory loss? According to Institute suggestions, everyone should be smacked in the head as often as possible. Ask a co-worker to punch you in the head on the lunch hour (so you’ll have time to re-gain consciousness and be ready for work), yell profanities at the police, a sure fire way to procure a healthy beating. Or simply run fast and hard into a door, head first.
[dc]“N[/dc]ever be afraid to get knocked out!” exclaimed Dr. Mario Mario with a big smile on his black and blue face. He also made it clear that Bobby because he’s so excited about the merits of improved memory through ‘forced unconsciousness’, will announce franchising opportunities in the near future for BDIGY.
“Think about it,” Bobby murmured from his hospital bed. “A whole country of people knocking each other out. That’s what I call beautiful.”