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Sexual Chemistry in the 21st Century

I've never done internet dating.

sexual chemistry

I once put myself on JDate as a "joke"…okay, it was a dare and I was drunk…and aside from a picture, the only thing I wrote on my profile was something like-

"I have a British accent and I like red wine."

Low and behold I received a pile of messages -- including the best and worst pick up lines in the history of the worrrld -- from some of the best and worst looking people ever.

I appreciated the recognition, laughed it off, and a day later cancelled my JDates when I started seeing someone seriously.

Yes, I decided internet dating was just not for me.


Because here's the thing…and don't get me wrong, to each his own, I know some of you have had major success.

But for me, there is one thing that a web server and hobbies and a picture can't transfer (aside from physically accurate profile pics..haha) and that's…


I was thinking about one of my last relationships and what it lacked.

And the word that kept cropping up was...chemistry. 

God, was there a void!


I mean, I loved him, he was kind...but there was definitely no "oomph," you know?

(And, believe me, when you finally get "oomph" again, you feel the difference.)

Yup, what was missing was something that facts on paper (or a computer screen) can't describe.

I mean, you know you're in trouble, when on dinner dates, you start eyeing the hot waiter and imagining…well…I won't write it here...but you catch my drift.

And even if you claim "nothing is missing," well, there just is.

Something's definitely missing.

But in this fabulous new age of cyber whatsie and an overload of dating advice books- there seems to be a concentration on the "rational" and "sensible" decision in finding a partner (yes, I was going to blog about "The Rules…Capturing the Heart of Mr Right" but I misplaced my granny glasses and doilies).

Yes, ladies and gents, we're simply losing the crucial importance of…

...basic, animal instinct!!

So welcome to 2013, lovers!

I am determined to bring the chemistry back.

In my life…and hopefully yours.

(In a hip 21st Century way, of course.)

Because if a lot of us are still unsatisfied with the "perfect person" who is good looking, successful and (in my case) looooves books, there's one big reason we're still not clicking and that's that there's….

…no bloody heat!!

And yet "heat" constitutes 80 % of the pie, right?

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It's the foundation.

Oh and it's also, by the way, rarer.

Because it's less rare to find a guy/girl who likes traveling, long walks on beaches and Woody Allen movies.

Especially in Los Angeles.

But clicking with someone...having that primal basis.

Ahhhh, that's the gold.

So, yup, that's what my next posts are going to be about…chemistry.

Specifically romantic and sexual chemistry- because that's a…real diamond in the rough.


So, first off, I asked a bunch of friends (mostly in their 20s) what they thought chemistry was….here were the responses:

"When the conversation between 2 people makes music…turns both people on."

"The intensity between 2 people that cannot be manufactured."

"The emotional/physical/metabolic spark that connects 2 people."

"The instant feeling of being familiar with one another."

"An instant ease, an immediate connection, even before there are words." 

"It's when touch becomes electric." (Love this one!!)

"When 2 people come together and it just…works, you know?"

"You feel like you really get the other person." 

"Organic…this undefinable thing that makes you want to physically pull your body towards the other."


"If there's a sudden break in the conversation, we can hold that silence comfortably- that's chemistry." 

And my personal 2 faves (by male friends, of course):

"Having to take a leak and not wanting to."

"You hate each other…until you don't."

Haha…and there we go.

The pattern that emerged was that everyone knew what chemistry was but they couldn't quite define it.

They knew what it felt like, they could describe it generally, but they couldn't quite describe it..specifically.

Oh, and also no one thought it was just physical or just personality driven.

Everyone seemed to agree it was a mix.

Anyhoo- so ends my my intro.

And next up -- I'll discussing what's sexual chemistry- according to psychologists. Yup, we're digging deep into the romantic and sexual mind.

thesy surface

Oooh la la.

Hey, at least it's more of an exciting than "so what's your fave food?" (Italian by the way…yum, yum :))

Happy Humpday, lovers.

Thesy Surface
Brit Chick in Hollywoodland

Wednesday, 6 November 2013