Skip to main content

Donito Rumpolini Updates Marx, Engels and Lenin for the 21st Century

Ed Rampell: If Rumpolini comes to power the revisionist version of Lenin’s Highest Stage of Capitalism will read: “Typical of the latest stage of capitalism, when monopolies rule, is the grab and grab and grab by capital!”
Trump and Marx

Ed-Line News: An Occasional Tongue-In-Cheeky Political Satire Column by Ed Rampell

In his campaign to become il prez-il-duce and to “Make Uh-murica HATE Again” Donito Rumpolini is not only rewriting the rules of the race, but also Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels and Vladimir Lenin, to (jack)boot.

In 1848’s The Communist Manifesto, Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels wrote:

“The executive of the modern state is but a committee for managing the common affairs of the whole bourgeoisie.”

But today, billionaire Rumpolini declares:

“I don’t need anybody’s money. I’m using my own money. I’m not using the lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich…. I’m self-funding my own campaign. It’s my money.”

If Rumpolini is elected, the ruling class will cut out the middle man and the revised Communist Manifesto will read:

“The executive of the modern state is but the bourgeoisie itself directly managing the common affairs of the whole bourgeoisie.”

Recommended for You

In 1916, V.I. Lenin wrote in Imperialism, The Highest Stage of Capitalism:

“Typical of the latest stage of capitalism, when monopolies rule, is the export of capital.”

But after winning the Nevada caucuses, in his victory speech spoiled little rich boy Rumpolini proclaimed:

“…it’s hard for me to turn down money cuz that’s not what I've done my whole life. I grab and grab and grab, you know I get greedy! I want money, money!

“I'll tell you what we’re gonna do, right – we get greedy, right? Now we’re gonna get greedy for the United States. We’re gonna grab and grab and grab! We’re gonna bring in so much money and so much everything, we’re gonna make Uh-murica great again folks, I’m telling you, we’re gonna make Uh-murica HATE again.”

If Rumpolini comes to power the revisionist version of Lenin’s Highest Stage of Capitalism will read:

“Typical of the latest stage of capitalism, when monopolies rule, is the grab and grab and grab by capital!”

Of course, reading these updated versions of Marx and Lenin’s classics assumes that they survive the book burning bonfires of Rumpolini’s brownshirts and blackshirts - and the outlawing of reading. Because Rumpolini doesn’t want to trouble those “poorly educated” voters he so loves with the hardship of reading…

Ed Rampell

Ed Rampell