Last Tuesday night, I was at my regular haunt, watching the KU game (bahaha, sorry Duke!!) and my friend and I glanced over at a first date in action.
Across the bar.
(Yup, apparently we're that creepy.)
The guy was handsome, the girl was gorgeous but there was one big thing missing…
What a coincidence!!
I'm writing about that!!
My friend told me they probably met on Tinder and showed me what that was.
Okay, as snooty as I am about internet dating I admit there are some majorly attractive people on Tinder, but still…
…I won't do it!!
When I'm 50, twice divorced and living in a cardboard box...
Until then, it's passion-at-first-sight-in-the-flesh people.
According to scientists, chemistry is not just about looks and similarities.
It's about Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC).
MHC is a cluster of genes in humans that gives off a subtle scent in body odor hinting at what type of immune system we have.
And real chemistry is about us wanting the guy/girl with a different immune system.
As nutso as this sounds, sex scientists swear by it.
There are even dating sites currently in development, which will offer highly-expensive immune system tests.
(Great….just what we needed more internet dating!!)
So why do we have chemistry with someone who we whiff has a different immune system?
Well the seeds lie in evolution.
And by reproducing with someone that has a different resistance to certain diseases that we lack- our kids are sure to be a combo and end up invincible!!
(Or close to it.)
And even if you don't want kids- it's that innate instinct still present in all of us.
Which is it's not necessarily beneficial to go out and find your magic "Love Potion #9" because no single scent will captivate everyone.
And neither should it.
For you to attract a perfect match.
Professor Maria da Gracia Bicalho at the University of Parana, Brazil concludes:
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"Although it may be tempting to think that humans choose their partner because of their similarities, our research has shown clearly that it is differences…the subconscious drive to have healthy children."
Okay, so that doesn't mean you cannot have chemistry with someone with "similar interests."
It just means that underneath it all, your best match is biologically different.
So how the hell do you figure out that??
Well you could join one of those "science matching" websites (when they're up and running) and pay a mere 2,000 bucks (which will be the estimated cost).
Or you could go around and ask random people for a saliva sample.
(And get arrested.)
Or, for us regular folks, it's trial and error.
Sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman, who strongly believes in the "MHC effect" says:
"A whiff of him without cologne when he's relatively clean. If that smell turns you on, that's a real good cue of chemistry."
And if it doesn't- then…
Because the relationship is doomed.
It's nothing personal….your genes just weren't meant to match.
In fact, the complaint Dr. Berman most often hears from lady clients is that they love their partner, they are just not "in love" with them.
"There's a difference between love and chemistry" says Dr. Berman.
Of course, the best is to have both.
And aside from "eau de genetics," chemistry is very much determined by hormones…
For example, those with high amounts of estrogen are more suited to those with high amounts testosterone.
Those with low levels of dopamine are best suited to those with high levels of dopamine- the same goes for serotonin.
Again it's about physiological contrast. Rather than similarities.
Yes, Tinders, that means you can post a hot pic of you in a jacuzzi, half-naked, licking a cherry.
But that doesn't mean you will have…chemistry.
Well at least not with everyone.
(Though some cherry-licking can't hurt, of course.)
Next up…it's the psych stuff.
P.S. This is the first and only time I will post a Neil Diamond song.
P.P.S. She says.
Brit Chick Ramblings from Hollywoodland
Thursday, 21 November 2013